If you live in New York and you have a dog, or if you live in New York and you hate a dog, this is the downloadable PDF for you.

©Brian Sack | Filed under: Breakroom | 0 Comments | Email to a Friend
Tags: Breakroom Mischief | Dogs | New York

For many years I've thought that coming up with headlines for the NY Post was one of the greatest jobs in the world. To be paid for puns is lovely. I haven't been paid for puns since I stopped working on billboard advertising. Most puns are godawful: Hail Caesar and five other new salads is a good example of a pun you should be put to the sword for.

Occasionally the Post comes up with something brilliant. And to be paid for puns that half the city gets to see. That'd be a sweet gig. Anyway, it occurred to me that I have Photoshop and know how to use it well enough that I too can come up with NY Post headlines whenever I want. Though the pay is crap and I don't have their circulation.

©Brian Sack | Filed under: In The News | 3 Comments | Email to a Friend
Tags: New York Post | Stocks | Unfortunate Puns

I pay the PhoneTag company $10 a month for their service which transcribes voicemail messages and emails them to me. This comes in really handy as I can look up messages for reference, keep a record of when calls came in and store unnecessary MP3 audio copies of messages which I can drag out at a later date "On August 22nd, 2009 you said you loved me. Here's audio proof!"

PhoneTag uses both humans and computers for the sake of accuracy, and according to a recent study it's accurate about 86% of the time. The other 14% of the time it leaves me wondering what country the transcriber lives in, and what the hell the caller actually meant:

• It's Will calling from Abraham regarding dairy clean for tomorrow, they need more of your time to two ten so afternoon two ten and lets not leave the office for dairy clean.
• Hey, Brian. My name is Sarah. I work for the Shield Skin City. You had met one of my partners over, Joe over in the park.
• After much consideration and hearing about all New York city public schools will be closed we have decided to close disney for tomorrow due to the storm.
• I just want to know how Rob hard wipe your ass. Yeah, Grog will be there, probably Berlin and it might be in 3rd place of course I know.
• It's just about that idea, we're not gonna go to the park. I thought it was, no the park the sales. I'm up there with Weng but we're just gonna go to a plan thing but not the thing that you're at but then, 'cause I realize I'm not as supposed that I thought calendar.
• It's Denise and I am in Dougie.
• This is Cristy Yales at Ranch Canada on me. It's gonna be 5 contract solo paying in FoxGal. A complex eyelet erect to have dysfunction medication, ships December 9th to the 12th in Miami.
• She had may had swelled your coat that was stuff in that corner when she had her accident. But she's worried about that.
• It's Jamie. 9:30, Saturday morning. I'm gonna be down in gent collecting small pot bills.
• I wanna talk to you about the bomb monopoly.

©Brian Sack | Filed under: Banterist | 0 Comments | Email to a Friend
Tags: Language | Mobile Phones | Technology | Voicemail

Delightful pun courtesy my friend Mark S.D. Harris, who tossed it out there on Facebook.

©Brian Sack | Filed under: In The News | 0 Comments | Email to a Friend
Tags: Bjork | Iceland | Newsmakers | Volcanoes

The Giving Tree is Shel Silverstein's 1964 classic children's book which has been translated into over 30 languages. In it, a tree is so in love with a little boy that it ultimately sacrifices everything for him. To this day, it is perceived as either a tale of selflessness and undying love (the tree), or one of selfishness (the boy). The book is encased in a green dust jacket that features a large, terrifying photograph of the author on the back.

Is the terrifying photograph of the author a mugshot taken of the author after he was accused of murder or something?

No. This is presumably the 1960s publicity shot of the author, Shel Silverstein.

Who took the terrifying photograph of Shel Silverstein that the publisher decided should be on the back cover?

Hard to say. One can probably assume that the photograph was taken by someone who marketed themselves as a professional photographer, in the same way that Ashlee Simpson markets herself as a professional singer.

What is the reason behind enlarging a terrifying photograph of the author and putting it on the back of a children's book?

Publishers do many things that neither readers nor authors quite understand. In this instance, the publisher decided that children might like to see that the man who wrote the book 40 years ago was somewhat intimidating and had chipped teeth. This could serve as inspiration to children that they too could one day scare children and write books for them.

©Brian Sack | Filed under: Fatherhood Dispatch | 6 Comments | Email to a Friend
Tags: Books | Evil | Marketing | Scary

English newspaper the Telegraph reports the launch of a new pornographic magazine for the blind. Which reminded me - I still have my Playboy In Braille because eBay pulled the listing. Because of the explicit raised dots.

©Brian Sack | Filed under: Banterist | 1 Comments | Email to a Friend
Tags: Blind | eBay | Magazines | Playboy | Pornography

Tonight I will be reading at KGB, an East Village bar named after Russia's hilarious secret security apparatus. My last reading here was for In the Event of My Untimely Demise, and it was a heck of a lot of fun.

I will be reading a chapter from my new book which is a non-partisan primer in American politics. Since Congress has an 8% favorable rating, that means that 92% of the crowd should find it enjoyable.

©Brian Sack | Filed under: Work | 0 Comments | Email to a Friend
Tags: Books | Politics | Work