This is an excellent internet advertisement for ClassesUSA that I tripped over recently. It does all the things an advertisement should do, and it does them well. I know this because for many years I worked in advertising.

RULE #1: A good ad always mentions that the president wants you to do something.

Everyone loves a president, except for roughly half of the population who did not vote for him. But for the ones who did? They love when the president tells them what he wants them to do. With the exception, I suppose, of those folks who don't like political figures telling them what to do.

RULE #2: A good ad targets people other than you.

I personally love it when an ad targets someone other than the person looking at it. It makes me feel good to know there are other people in the world who are different than I am, and I enjoy seeing ads directed at them. In this case, the ad is targeting child-bearing moms who are receptive to President Obama wanting them to buy an arguably worthless college degree from a meagerly accredited, shady online university.

It's odd because the advertiser is owned by Experian, the corporate behemoth that tracks all of us and our credit histories. They could probably very easily discern who I am and everything about me by looking at their vast electronic library of stored information. Instead they show me an ad targeting under-educated, subservient moms. Kudos.

RULE #3: A good ad has a picture of a freakish Charles Manson type who has absolutely nothing to do with the headline.

Obama wants moms to go back to school? Homeless man mugshot. It makes perfect sense to me. You might expect to see a photo of a mom. Or a woman of some sort, anyway. Someone who might tie in to the headline. No way. This is a good ad, and a good ad doesn't bother with that. A good ad wants you to go, "What the hell?" as you look at a what could easily be a pedophile's mugshot.

So there you have it. A brilliant ad concocted by marketing geniuses somewhere out there in the vast Internet. Or maybe in Boise, at some marketing firm located in a step-mom's basement. It makes me want to get back into advertising.

Bonus points for the mouse-type at the bottom. It's a legal disclaimer for a testimonial that's not actually in the ad.

©Brian Sack | Filed under: Marketing | 1 Comments | Email to a Friend
Tags: College | Internet | Marketing | Obama

Facebook ad. And while I like it better than the ones telling me that Obama wants me to refinance, I'd be a wee bit hesitant to apply to a college that asks questions like this.

©Brian Sack | Filed under: Grammar Cop | 1 Comments | Email to a Friend
Tags: College | Grammar | Marines

We've all gotten used to CAPTCHA's requirement that we enter in random words like "lemon catapult" to prove that we're not robots.

But this one was odd because it made me think of Nazi propaganda minister Joseph Goebbels. Definitely more interesting than lemon catapults, but much more creepy. Especially since "goebel" isn't a word in the first place.

©Brian Sack | Filed under: Internet | 2 Comments | Email to a Friend
Tags: Goebbels | Hitler | Internet | Nazis | Propanganda

His warm tongue traced around her navel before heading south to flirt with the thin lace of her panties. She bit her lip. This was the moment she had been waiting for since she first laid eyes on Carlos at the hotel pool. She moaned with anticipation, running her hands through his dark hair before asking him to leave. She had to get to the airport by six in the morning and found fatigue unbearable.

--

And now here she was, standing before a total stranger as he ran his hands up her legs and toward her inner thighs. It was beyond exhilarating. Her heart was in danger of bursting. She began to sweat and tremble. Her lip quivered. Would he discover her explosives-laced underwear? Because Allah would be pissed.

--

Lucas slowly caressed her breasts, which is what he called her two cats because he was terribly educated.

--

"Oh my God!" panted Jamie, "Oh my God! Oh. My. God!"
She gasped for air. Never before had she felt such incredible, overwhelming pleasure. Her hands clenched the arms of the recliner as she gave herself unto the Lord, thrilled that she had stumbled upon Pat Robertson's 700 Club as opposed to that crap with people selling antiques.

--

His back arched, his eyes rolled back in his head and he let out a moan of sheer pleasure. The acting teacher, who used to be on a huge sitcom back in the 70s, said it was very convincing.

--

With raw fury, Brenda tore Vick's shirt open and ran her hands over his muscular, olive skin. He kissed her violently - twelve years of pent-up passion unleashing itself that very moment. She loosened his belt, unbuttoned his trousers and lifted her skirt. Only the judge's gavel could make them realize they were violating courtroom protocol.

©Brian Sack | Filed under: Satire | 0 Comments | Email to a Friend
Tags: Antiques Roadshow | Erotica | Sex

Although Hopenhagen is the ultimate winner in the UN Climate Change Conference contest, we should certainly acknowledge the other great cities of the world that didn't make the cut:

Optimemphis

Moscwow

Glimmerick

Wishtanbul

Dusseldream

Budabest

Beliepzig

Prayjing

Detroit

©Brian Sack | Filed under: In The News | 0 Comments | Email to a Friend
Tags: Newsmakers | Travel | UN

So, an email came in last night from Angie who suggested that Banterist.com comments may not be working correctly because she'd commented recently and it didn't appear. And, she points out, no one else has commented. Since June. And she mentioned a previous incident on this same website where comments failed to appear.

Now, you'd think I might have noticed a dearth of commenting, but I didn't. Even when a friend pointed out the same thing a few weeks ago I shrugged it off because I figured people don't always comment on blogs anyway. Maybe they were busy Twittering or Napstering or whatever.

Angie's email prompted me to take a peek into the weblog's digital underbelly, and sure enough people have been commenting since June. Unfortunately all the comments were lumped in with comments from Russian pornographers, link spammers, counterfeit watch retailers, and herbal viagra peddlers. And they were being deleted every 14 days because of the absolutely staggering amount of comment spam this site gets. So all comments since June are gone, except for a few I was able to come across that were waiting to be deleted. Sifting through the junked comments is a laborious pain in the bum with this blog software, so I no doubt missed several.

So apologies. The settings have been tweaked in the hopes that comments can appear on the site, and not wind up on digital death row.

And I hope comment spammers get horrible cankers on their tongues and fingers.

©Brian Sack | Filed under: Banterist | 10 Comments | Email to a Friend
Tags: Comment Frenzy | Internet | Spammers

Pret-a-Poster!

Download this PDF, print, tack it up near the office water cooler and wait for the outrage and disbelief.

Extra points if your co-workers tear the office apart looking for the Yellow Pages.

©Brian Sack | Filed under: Breakroom | 1 Comments | Email to a Friend
Tags: Breakroom Mischief | Cats | Marketing | PDF